Curse

Symeon · Feb 11, 2006, 11:43 AM // 11:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rayndeon

I apologize for being irresponsible and misrepresenting your gender. While technically, some schools of thought have grammatically neutralized "Sir," many view "Sir" to be a strictly masculine word, especially with its derivations from French, in which the word itself is masculine. Of course, this does not excuse my referral to your poems with a masculine possessive, and as such, I am sorry for offending you so.

Please stop using such annoying smartass words...it's...annoying

ownage of teh elite · Feb 11, 2006, 11:08 PM // 23:08

I would love to write poetry right now.

But I'm not feeling emo-ish, sad, or anything like that.

Instead I feel quite happy, waking up from a 12 hour nap.

I need some inspiration.

~Adam

ownage of teh elite · Feb 12, 2006, 09:53 AM // 09:53

Finally found my inspiration.

A song called "Pretty Girl" by Sugarcult.

Thus so named.

Pretty Girl

Pretty girl,
Hopelessly in love
With a raging storm
Cast down from up above

Pretty girl,
Unknowing of his pain
Tries to see through him
But she cannot see through the stain

Pretty girl,
With her loving stare,
Pretty girl,
Reaches out with her tender care

Pretty girl,
She offers her heart
Promises him
That they will never part

Pretty girl,
Looks at his lifeless eyes
Pretty girl,
Puts her hand upon his tear-streaked face and cries

Pretty girl,
Weeps upon his bloodstained shirt
Screams to the heavens
They cannot feel her hurt

Pretty girl,
Lost to the world
Pretty Girl,
Off of the building, into her lovers embracing arms she will hurl...

d3kst3r · Feb 12, 2006, 10:00 AM // 10:00

I've usually had a strong aversion to poetry since I can't stand listening to angsty teenagers talk about how depressing their lives are and how bad their acne is. But I thought I'd give it a go.

Here's my short poem. It's kind of funny if you understand it.

Higamous Hogamous, Women are Monogamous
Hogamous Higamous, Men are Polygamous

longboringname · Feb 15, 2006, 12:18 AM // 00:18

Aparently you (stormcrow) like to use the phrase "torn and tattered."

~long and boring~

Destruction Exile · Feb 15, 2006, 01:29 AM // 01:29

Nice poem, but i have a suggestion stormcrow, Your title introduces what you'll be writing and you stay on one main idea on a poem. Try and tell a story during the poem and dont give it away on the title. Nice work overall.

--

Ownage, nice poem but you ABAB is kinda...you know what i mean right?
ABAB repeating is not bad, but yours was too long 0_0

Storm Crow · Feb 15, 2006, 03:30 AM // 03:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by longboringname

Aparently you (stormcrow) like to use the phrase "torn and tattered."

~long and boring~

do you have a problem with the phrase "torn and tattered"? seems that way...

longboringname · Feb 15, 2006, 08:56 PM // 20:56

Jeez, sorry your majesty -.-

~long and boring~

ownage of teh elite · Feb 16, 2006, 06:43 AM // 06:43

Rof lmao your funny. ^^^^^

Mercury Angel · Feb 16, 2006, 06:45 PM // 18:45

Torn and tattered,
Ripped and shredded,
The dungeon's where
longboring's headed!

Teasing!

Drama regarding external issues aside, above all else, they have aspects of emotion tied to them, something I value most in poetry. Rhyming I generally dislike, but that's more of a personal issue. Barring that, choosing words in an active rhyme scheme that both actually rhyme and fit the overall theme can be a bit challenging, and you pulled it off, so that's certainly a good thing.

ABCB is one of my favourite rhyme sets, because alternating rhymes on every line can really limit you, but rhyming only 2 lines in each set gives it both a rhythm and a slightly less sing-songy feel that AABB has. Or maybe I'm just stubborn and rationalize whatever it is I'm used to. Whichever works. o_o

The themes presented in the poems are fairly common, and some of the symbolism is highly cliche, but then again, there're few themes that haven't been done again and again over thousands of years. Each new iteration tends to carry the distinctive flavour of the author, including their lifestyle, country, culture, and the time they grew up in, though, so new versions of old themes resound better with different people. Thus, it's not something that should be held against the poems.

Regarding the tragic/despair type of themes typically labeled, 'emo'... Well, there's not much to say. Some people cry at weddings, or certain movies, and others don't. People will always feel differently about them, it's simply life. That's all I have to say on that.

Anyway, they were still a good read, and I'll probably stop by again sometime in the future when there're a couple more.

Prince Zyphr · Feb 16, 2006, 08:04 PM // 20:04

Nice poetry (storm crow). Although I do agree with Rayndeon who was giving you constructive critcism, you might need to learn to possibly open up to critcism. I myself am I writer and I find it helpful to learn from critcism than to be ignorant towards it. My 2 cents on your poems are that maybe you should possibly try and add some hidden meaning to the writing. I noticed that all of your poems had easily revealed messages. Maybe use metaphors..EX: Robert Frosts "Fire and Ice". Where he talks about the end of the world, but fire and ice aren't generally fire and ice. They are much more, deeper that just fire and ice. Good poetry isn't just connecting words together so they flow nicely, but poetry is something that when your done reading it you must stop and think "What is it what I just read and how does it relate." There are my 2 cents :P

Storm Crow · Feb 16, 2006, 09:23 PM // 21:23

thanks both Mercury and Prince, I enjoy the feedback!

I have a possible free verse coming up, so stay tuned!

ownage of teh elite · Feb 17, 2006, 03:07 AM // 03:07

I myself enjoy rhyming.

It makes me concentrate on what my main focus is, and it helps me stay on topic.

Example:

Its a beautiful day
Let us go out and play
The sun shines bright
and it warms us with its light

When I don't rhyme it comes out like this:

Its a beautiful day
One that I enjoy
Lets go outside
And play around

Rhyming allows me to be more detailed and focused.

Just my opinion.

~Ownage

longboringname · Feb 18, 2006, 04:54 AM // 04:54

(-_-)mercury, you just hurt my feelings ('~'). Ooo! This feelings makes me wana write poetry because I'm feeling kinda emosionalish :/ Here goes nothin' (literaly)

I call this er, Nowhere Near

I have a dream
That will never be found
And all my attempts
Just lead me back around

No matter how hard I fight
No matter how much I try
I'll never get far
And I'll never fly high

But I Don't undertand
Why I've never stopped trying
Because Every time failed
Made my feel like crying

I told myself
I'll make it one day
With every problem
There's a way

To find an answer
To crack the code
But all that I've found
Are just dead-end roads

And now I know that the stories
Are all fake and untrue
So now I sit here sad and depressed
And my hopes are torn in two

Why do I always fail?
Why is life unfair?
Why can't I find my way,
to anything anywhere?

Every time I hit rock bottom
The truth becomes more clear
All that I can do is dream
Of my dream that's nowhere near
___________________________________
-.- That was my first one, I'm not that good because I'm not the "eme" type. I think a dog getting ran over is funny :/

longboringname · Feb 20, 2006, 07:15 AM // 07:15

Here's what I found when I was randomly searching .Hack stuff.

Epitaph of Twilight:

Unknown where the Cursed Wave was born...
After the stars doth cross the heavens...
The sky in the East doth darken.
And air doth fills with mourning.
From the chosen land beyond the forest,
A sign of the Wave comes.
Riding the Wave is: Skeith, the Shadow of Death,
To drown all that stands.
Mirage of Deceit, Innis,
Betray all with the flawed image,
And did aid the Wave.
And by the Power of Magus,
A drop from the Wave doth reach the heavens,
And creates a new Wave.

With the Wave, Fidhell,
The power to tell the dark future,
Hope darkens, sadness and despair rule.
Gorre schemes when swallowed by the Cursed Wave.
Maha seduces with the sweet trap.
Wave reaches the Pinnacle, and escape none can.
Tarvos still remains with more cruelty to punish and destroy.
And with the turbulent destruction after the Wave.
Only a void remains.
From deep within the void arrives Corvenik.

Yet to return, the shadowed one.
Who quests for the Twilight Dragon
Rumbles the Dark Hearth,
And Helba, Queen of the Dark, has raised finally her army.
Apeiron, King of Light, beckons...
At the base of the rainbow they meet.
Against the abominable "Wave," together they fight.
Alba's lake boils.
Light's great tree doth fall.
Power - all now to droplets turned in the temple of Arche Koeln.
Returns to nothing, this world of shadowless ones.
Never to return, the shadowless one.
Who quests for the Twilight Dragon.

The wife buffeted by "waves" turns her back on the field.
The daughter that waited for the shadows repeated,
"For sure... For sure I can go home."
But the girl did not know...
The truth that waited at the end of the journey
The eternal mourning of her land.

In the place of the calamitous, only life was known.
After the circling stars
When the eastern dark void, the air full of despair
In the depths of the divided forest, in the land of Karma,

Riding fast on the path is Skeith
Bearing death's shadow, it eliminates all that seek to thwart it.
The Confusing Mirage, Innis
Deceives those that see it with illusions, rescues the waves

The wave soaring high, when its head is smashed,
A new wave will emerge
To become Magus's power.
When questioning the wave,
Hope's light will be lost when he speaks of the dark future of where sorrow and resignation reign.
Using Fidchell's Technique

When engulfed by the Waves of Calamity, Gorre will plan
The sweet snare of conciliation is Maha
The Waves, an exceeding maelstrom
Nothing can escape

When you think you have escaped, Tarvos exists
To destroy those with his exceeding cruelty
Upon violent requital, only to remain is the void, the vacant darkness
Is the harbinger that Corvenik is to appear.

-Emma Wielant

Edit: No rhymes -_-'

~long and boring~

Storm Crow · Mar 02, 2006, 11:29 PM // 23:29

Here's that freeverse I was telling you about, had to write a poem for English class last week.

Truth

I am a dark, enshadowed corner.
Only those who know the darkness
Dare take a step into my forsaken depths.
All alone I wish to live,
Away from people and their ignorance.
How I loathe them, wrapped within
Their fantasies of love and hate,
Good and evil, dark, and light.
Their views of humor, and reality.
They know not what reality is,
This secret I keep to myself,
For only the darkness knows the truth...

Storm Crow · May 17, 2006, 08:03 AM // 08:03

Time to bring this back from the grave with another poem!
(please note: possible tearjerker)

American Pride - A Tribute to our Troops

Its stars, they may be faded,
Its edges slashed and torn,
But through its years of duty,
It's never stood forlorn,

Although its stripes are broken,
Dirtied, and no longer loud,
Still, this ancient symbol,
Holds its head up proud,

And yet it has been saddened,
Tearstained, bloodsoaked, lost,
It still remembers fondly,
The young men's paths it's crossed,

Long it's stood a symbol,
Of unity, and pride,
But the world just doesn't realize,
How many under it have died,

For their people, and their country,
World peace, and unity,
And though we cannot understand,
For even you and me,

Somewhere, across a barren sea,
Of sorrow, hate, and fear,
A lone, and long forgotten man,
Sheds a lonesome tear,

And raises his hand, in solemn pride,
For his unit, back in Baghdad,
And his fellow, long forgotten men,
And salutes his American flag...

Leon_Ux-ixen · May 17, 2006, 12:44 PM // 12:44

Great poetry i love seeing the thoughts and feelings of others.

Trub · May 31, 2006, 06:17 AM // 06:17

Love the poetry!

Just something I jotted down...hope you enjoy it:

Shadows.

Night enters the sky, like an unwelcomed guest,
The stars try to shine, clouds gather to the west.

The thunder rumbles, and evil things awaken,
A flash, a scream, another poor soul is taken.

Be not afraid, all warm in your home,
Because it is outside, the corrupted ones roam.

So tuck in your little ones, nice and tight,
And lock all your doors; here comes the night.
----------------------------------------------

Storm Crow · May 31, 2006, 09:51 PM // 21:51

Thanks for the support, Trub! As I've said before, I like when people like my work

!!

Anyway, a tribute to my son, also used in Licia's Bio on the GWG Contest Bio thread here...

Malikai Whyitt

My beloved and my only son,
My light when there is rain,
How I can now all but wish,
To see your smile once again,

To hear your cheery, baby laugh,
And watch you as you sleep,
And I shall tell you, once again,
My heart is yours to keep,

And though I’ve told you times before,
I fear you will forget,
And all I wish for you, my son,
A life with no regret,

A life that’s lived, with heart and soul,
A heart as pure as light,
And a soul that’s happy, and carefree,
That shall not coat with ice,

I leave you with what’s said, my dear,
I pray you understand,
And when I find the strength to speak,
Come, and hold my hand,

My beloved and my only son,
My light when there is rain,
How I can now all but wish,
To see your smile once again,

To hear your cheery, baby laugh,
And watch you as you sleep,
And I shall tell you, once again,
My heart is yours to keep,

It's funny what you can come up with in a lunch period and tutorial